Where do I go from here...

I question many things and most of the time I question my faith is real or am I just doing this to save my ass and not be cast into the lake of fire. What is going to happen when I have nothing and all that I built on the love is taken away will God come and save me like when he saved Abraham when he had to sacrifice his son to God. Will I be so lucky not to draw blood? Yes I am not worthy of any thing that is given to me because I can be wayward do to my human nature , what ever grace God will grant me I will abide and take it and make the most of it. My sister is going on an interview I pray that he is gracious to her... and the Lord knows my intentions and needs, be quick God and send your holy spirit to save us... Let your will be done!

Something Interesting...

Today a went to a different church one in which I made my communion and confirmation. I was going to go to the Methodist church I normally attend but I went to the Roman Catholic church. It is the second time I have visited this church since 1982... While I was there I had a memory of running my finger tips in the roughed out cross that is on the side of the pew because I was bored to tears there as a child. I started to remember myself doing this so long ago, so I ran my finger  through the path of that cross again and I waited, I guess I am looking for some sort  of a connection or maybe a renewal. Funny this day just before Mass started there was and announcement the they will be conducting a Baptism this day. As a child growing up in a Roman Catholic Church I remember that there was a time that the Gospel spoke to me and I would get a message that was always personal and home hitting. Well today in my presence I was spoken to again and I even was prompted to renew my Baptism promises. Since my trial in life has lead me to a place of emptiness and desolation in my heart I am not sure what I should feel because my belief is God is real but where I am makes me feel like, "so what, its happened before..." the shred of hope resides deep inside where I feel a stirring.

For Jesus it was the cross and for me the chair where I wait...

This is one of my favorite painting by Dali, because its kind of like how we see life.
We might see one thing but we are really seeing another...